SURVIVOR TOURS INFOMERCIAL

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Television fades in.

[Cue street scene from a large city. Everywhere are large over-weight people of every sex, race and pants size.]

Voice over: "Are you over-weight? Do you need to stop and catch your breath when you tie up your shoelaces? Is your idea of exercise walking to the telephone and dialing up the local Pizza Hut? Then you need a vacation.

That's right folks if you call right now you can book a passage on the 'Survivor Tour', sponsored by Weight Watchers."

[Cue sparkling blue waters and white sandy beaches. Frolicking about are thin happy people. Every single one of them is a gorgeous, buff twenty something, no dogs allowed on this beach!]

Voice over: "For the measly price of one million dollars you will be flown to a deserted island. There you will meet up with other like-minded porky suckers and for the next blah-blah weeks you will engage in competitive weight reducing exercises. Every night you will be served a nutritious meal of rice and sand flies and once every two weeks you can get together in a tribal setting to vote on which member you'll eat to stay alive!

Weight Watchers gives you a one hundred percent guarantee that you'll return home thinner than you've ever been before or you won't come home at all. But don't take our word for it just listen to one of our satisfied customers."

[Cue a before and after picture of one of our satisfied customers.

BEFORE: a picture of the Goodyear blimp.

AFTER: a parchment thin mummified corpse.]

Satisfied Customer: "I used to be an overweight executive who suffered the ridicule and taunts that my bulk deserved. Then I heard about the 'Survivor Tours'. Now thanks to taking the plunge and joining this unique weight loss program my life has turned around. Not only am I now happier and dating a sexy super model but my weight and bank balance have never been lighter. Thank you Weight Watchers you've saved my life."

[Cue a flash of a prisoner of war camp complete with stick thin figures then flash onto the latest super model sashaying down the runway.]

Voice over: "You too can conform to the over-exaggerated unreachable expectations of the magazine and Hollyweird scene. If you have a huge bank balance and no common sense whatsoever than call this number now!"

[Cue 'Survivor Tours' telephone number]

555 SUPER-THIN

Voice over: "Call now and find out if you have what it takes to be the ultimate survivor!"

[Cue 'Survivor Tours' logo and motto]

SURVIVOR TOURS

Outswindle, Outcheat and Get Out While the Goings Good.

 

Television fades out.