"Happy Birthday, Dear Master"

THEME: Humour

RATING: PG.

FEEDBACK: I'm always eager to hear your views so contact me and let me know at tanyajoy74@hotmail.com

DISCLAIMER: All the familiar names belong to the 'Great Flannelled One' the rest of them just live in my head. I'm not making a cent off this, okay?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was two hours past dawn when Qui-Gon woke up. He lay there for a while trying to remember a dream from that night. Something about himself, Obi-Wan, a hot tub and a large group of women he had never met before. He mentally shrugged.

That will teach me to eat chocolate just before bedtime, he thought.

He could hear his apprentice whistling some jaunty tune in the other room. Normally it would take a herd of Banthas to drag Obi-Wan out of bed so early in the morning, but not today. Today was different. Today was Qui-Gon's birthday.

Qui-Gon groaned quietly and dragged a pillow over his head. Normally he would be off planet for his birthday and in the middle of some mission. Whether protecting the defenseless or negotiating some treaty he could count on being too busy to worry about it. Sometimes he could go for days before even realising it had passed. Of course Obi-Wan took great delight in reminding him. To Obi-Wan it was a day to celebrate, to Qui-Gon it was just another reminder he was getting old.

Not that 53 is old, he thought. I can still hold my own in ennathing even if it is a little harder to get up in the morning.

Qui-Gon sighed again before getting out of bed and heading for the shower. This year the Force, and Qui-Gon suspected Master Yoda, had contrived to keep him on Coruscant for his birthday and he didn't need to be a Jedi Knight to know that this day would not pass quietly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Qui-Gon was just finishing off a hearty breakfast made by Obi-Wan when the door chimed.

"Are you expecting anyone Master?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Not today. See who it is," replied Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan walked over to answer the door. Standing on the other side was Yoda holding a brightly wrapped present.

"Master," exclaimed Qui-Gon standing up. "We weren't expecting you."

"Oho. Thought I had forgotten did you? You're birthday it is." Yoda gave Qui-Gon his present. "Open this later tonight you should."

"Thank you Master," Qui-Gon bowed.

"Don't forget me," came a voice from the open doorway. There stood Mace Windu clutching a dusty bottle. "Happy Birthday bro. Here's some aged Alderian wine. See its still got the cobwebs."

"Thanks Mace," Qui-Gon took the bottle gingerly. "Where did you steal this from?"

"Don't ask Qui, don't ask."

"You know I'm not a drinker Mace."

"No problem just stick on a shelf and five or six years later give it back to me as a present. The older the wine the better it becomes you know."

"I have heard that somewhere," Qui-Gon said, dryly.

"Also note that I didn't compare you to the wine, old man." Mace grinned at Qui-Gon.

'Thanks Mace, you're all heart."

Mace peered around the room. "So where's the streamers, the balloons, the chicks?"

"There is no party Mace," Qui-Gon replied sternly.

"No party? Not celebrating are you?" asked Yoda.

"No Master. I just want a nice quiet day."

"But birthdays are a time of celebrating. Many birthdays have I had. Expert am I." Yoda suddenly chuckled. "Birthday Master I am."

"Party Master more like it," Mace added. "Our little green mentor here has had much practice."

"Yes when over 800 years old you reach. Party Master you will be."

"No party, man, that's a shame," Mace turned for the door. "Oh by the way. There is a meeting for all Jedi to be held in the dining room tonight at eight sharp. Make sure you bring Obi-Wan."

"A meeting?" Qui-Gon was suddenly suspicious. "How come this is the first I've heard of it?"

"Don't know Qui. We sent out a memo," Mace shrugged. "See you tonight."

"Yes tonight, tonight." Yoda chuckled as they walked out the door.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon turned to his Padawan.

"Yes Master."

"Do you recall that conversation we had a few days ago."

"Which conversation?" asked Obi-Wan, trying unsuccessfully to look innocent.

"The one where I asked, no told, you not to throw me a party."

"Oh that one. Yes I remember."

"And?" prompted Qui-Gon.

"And I haven't Master. Thrown you a party I mean."

"Are you sure?"

"On my braid, Master," replied Obi-Wan taking the most solemn vow he knew.

"You do remember the last time you swore on your braid."

Obi-Wan looked shamefaced at the floor. "It grew back didn't it?"

"Well for your hairs sake I hope you're right."

"Trust me Master," Obi-Wan grinned. "Have I ever led you astray before?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was a few minutes to eight as Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan strode through the corridors of the Temple.

"Where is everyone?" asked Qui-Gon.

"Maybe we're late."

"We're not late Obi-Wan. If anything we're early."

"Don't know then Master."

"Well you're no help," snorted Qui-Gon as he walked into the dark dining room. "What's going on?"

"SURPRISE!" shouted everyone as they jumped out from behind their hiding places.

Qui-Gon stepped back startled and had his lightsabre out and ignited before he realised what was going on.

"Well glad to know you're reflexes are still good," Mace laughed.

Qui-Gon turned to his apprentice. "Obi-Wan," he growled.

Obi-Wan looked from his master's glare to the green lightsabre and grabbed his braid. "Oh no. It wasn't my idea Master. I tried to tell them."

"Don't blame the boy Qui," Mace smiled and passed Qui-Gon a glass of punch. "When Master Yoda sets his mind on a party nothing will stop him. You might as well enjoy it."

Qui-Gon smiled sheepishly as he raised his glass. "Thank you everyone. Thanks for the party. Don't mind me, go and enjoy yourselves."

The assembled Jedi cheered and someone put on a collection of Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes to dance to. Obi-Wan whooped with joy and joined the dancing throng.

"Oh to be young again, eh?" Mace smiled at the celebrating apprentices.

"Not that young," countered Qui-Gon.

"Listen Qui just a small piece of advice. Try and keep Yoda away from the punch."

"Why?" asked Qui-Gon.

"Because he'll do his damnedest to spike it." Mace laughed.

"Just when I think I know him," Qui-Gon shook his head.

"He goes and tries to get you drunk. Tell me about it."

Adi Gallia walked over to them carrying a large bundle. "Hey Qui-Gon this is from Chancellor Valorum. He apologises for missing your party."

Qui-Gon took the parcel in surprise. "I wasn't expecting Finis to send me ennathing." He opened the parcel and shook out a brand new Jedi robe.

"Hey. Now you can give that old one to Kenobi," Mace snorted. "He might have to run the hem up a bit."

Both of them looked over to the dancers. Qui-Gon chuckled at the thought of Obi-Wan trying to hem up his robe. "His sewing is almost as bad as his laundry skills."

"Well I hope the Force is with him then," Mace slapped Qui-Gon on the back. "Let's eat."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The party was still in full swing several hours later and didn't look like stopping. Everyone was having a great time. Even Qui-Gon, much to his surprise. He stood near a window sipping on his fourth glass of punch watching his apprentice in amusement. Obi-Wan was currently leading a large conga line around the room. He waved to Qui-Gon as he passed. Over in another corner an impromptu wrestling match was going on. As far as Qui-Gon knew it had started when a young knight had offered to polish Mace's head for him and finished up with Mace showing off his favourite headlock maneuver. Yoda sat in an oversized chair, several streamers hanging off one ear. He had finally managed to get to the punch unattended and was now drinking the result and tapping his foot in time to the music.

I thought a party would be the last thing I'd want, Qui-Gon mused. But this has been one of the best nights of my life.

He drained off his punch and grabbed a large block of chocolate before heading for the door. Obi-Wan seeing his master making his escape broke away from the dancers.

"Master, where are you going?"

"To bed Obi-Wan. Old men like me need their sleep." He tapped Obi-Wan on the head with the chocolate. "Besides I have a dream to get back to."

"A dream?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes Obi-Wan. A dream," he broke into a wide grin. "See you in the hot tub."

Qui-Gon walked out the door as Obi-Wan stared after him in disbelief. "I think the punch has gone to his head," he commented to nobody. Shrugging he turned back to the party. "Who's for a dip in the pool?" he yelled.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Qui-Gon walked into his room and noticed Yoda's present sitting on the table.

Guess this counts as later, he thought as he dumped his other presents on the couch and picked it up.

Holding it up to his ear and shaking it slightly he walked over to his chair and sat down. Ripping the paper open he held up a bottle full of thick brown liquid. Turning it around to read the label he saw a small tag was attached. Chocolate Flavoured Bubble Bath the label read. Turning the tag over he saw it was covered in Yoda's small spidery handwriting. 'To my tallest apprentice' it read. 'This works best in a hot tub.'

How did he ...Never mind I don't want to know, he thought shaking his head.

Standing up he spied the wine that Mace had bought earlier.

"Oh why not." He murmured as he scooped the bottle up. Striding over to his bedroom a bottle in each hand. He laughed out loud. "Ready or not ladies. Here I come."

THE END.